Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
