you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
