Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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