i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
