the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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