My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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