sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
