Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
