Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
