sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
