i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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