new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
