The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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