I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
