I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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