If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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