just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
