JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
