If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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