my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
