Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
