Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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