Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
