Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
