He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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