her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
