Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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