I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
