I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
