We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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