WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
