The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
