2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
