I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
