my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
