idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
