If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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