i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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