Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
