Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
