The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
