Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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