Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
