marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
