so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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