the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
