we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
