Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
