i just wanna soil my oats bro
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
