Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
then he tried to convert me to islam
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
