i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sponge bath it is.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
