I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
