I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
