my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
