i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
