I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i've created a new STD.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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