i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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