I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
